FORGIVENESS OF OTHERS IS A GIFT TO YOU
I have found “true forgiveness” to be one of the most difficult emotions for me to reign, yet it has reaped some of my greatest rewards: Forgiveness has afforded me a more awake, conscious, peaceful, and happier life.
We all know that grudge holding takes up an incredible amount of internal space; and often it can smother life’s goodness, and lead down the path to feelings of resentment and bitterness. I believe that the way we think about forgiveness directly influences how we feel about it, because it is our mind which is the vehicle that gets us to the door of happiness and grudge holding is probably the equivalent to putting sugar in our tank.
The actions of others give birth to the need to forgive. These actions can vary, big or small, personal or collective, accidental or deliberate, in isolation or habitual in kind. Some offenses are harder to forgive than others; some even seem unforgivable; God’s work not ours.
The internal boundaries etched into our psyche indicates where our limits are and what we deem forgivable and what we don’t. In my own case, I find it particularly hard to forgive what I perceive as egregious disloyalty, so I have to work harder at it, in contrast to an act I find less offensive to my spirit. Though I know that healing is the by-product of forgiveness, often it has been a long and arduous process, leaving me with a knowing of what it feels like to be a blade of grass moving through a slab of concrete, trying to make my way towards the sun. Forgiveness calls on me to exert my strength of will, the gathering of the courage to hammer through to the other side of my pain, despite what my ego would like to do, which is standing in self-righteousness. Forgiveness forces me to push pass my perspective and look through the lens of the other.
When I have been successful at making my way through the concrete into the tenderness of my heart, it has accelerated my growth as a person in profound ways. There are still instances where I have not succeeded in my efforts to forgive, but I continue to hammer away, while affording myself compassion for my effort.
Sometimes it is hard to wrap our heads around exactly what the meaning of forgiveness is. I have found that it is easier to define what forgiveness does not mean. For instance, it does not mean we ever forget, excuse, or deny what has happened. It does not mean we have to continue in assoication with the person or persons who have harmed us. It does not require an apology or a genuine display of remorse. No, forgiveness should not be contingent on anything. The person can be living or dead.
Forgiveness calls for a willingness to let go, unshackle ourselves, so that it does not influence our experience of today. Forgiveness is not contingent on the actions of the other. We are the ones who benefit from forgiveness. It allows us to heal and move on. Actually, forgiveness can be a purely selfish affair.
